violetismycolor

my life, changed by a movie?

It was an odd group that wandered into the Bagdad theatre last night. It consisted of ME, John, Adam, Bonnie, and Adam's friends (Jim and Seth). We were there more than half an hour early for the movie, "What the bleep do we know?" When we got there, the line was halfway down the block. The boys had gone in a separate car and got there ahead of us, and had staked out a place in line. The theatre is also a pub, so they had to have 'adults' with them. When we got inside, there was an equally long line for the pizza and beer. The good news was that they would deliver your pizza right to your seats.

The movie was very odd. It was partially a fictional story (starring Marlee Matlin) and partly a narration by various chemists, physicists, and metaphysicists. “What the #$BLEEP*! Do We Know!?” says that science and spirituality are not different modes of thought, but are in fact describing the same thing. And it brings the power back to the individual man and woman as it demonstrates creation as the god-like capacity of every individual. It challenges all our assumptions about who we are, why we do the things we do, who/what God is, and more. The boys all thought that the science explanations were simplistic, but that was the way I needed them to be. I didn’t learn all about peptides and how they attach to cells when I was in school (way too old for that!). I loved the little gooey cell characters. I loved watching the synapses firing and seeing them moving and attaching to each other. This was all new stuff for me and I loved it. Interestingly, I agreed with most of what they presented (though the others were definitely doubters). I also think that we create our own reality. That we can affect the structure of things by our thoughts and our words. I think my garden is beautiful and healthy, not just because I do work in it but because it feels my love for it. I really do believe that we change things around us by our thoughts. But I have long believed that there is so much more to the world than what we see and know. It is mysterious and wonderful.

Anyway, my main feeling was that this is very much the way I believe, and the way my own investigations into spirituality are moving.

Also, our friend, Armin Shimerman, was in the movie (not for long, but it was so great to see him there). This just made the movie that much more special for me.

Saturday and the weather is psychotic

So, our home state has decided to be itself again, finally. By that I mean that it has been doing some crazy rain-related things for the past week. We have been terribly spoiled by our California-like weather for the past (oh, I don't know) 2 years. Besides a horrendous end-of-the-world movie snowstorm around New Year's Day, we have had such lovely, temperate weather that we are all horribly spoiled. I find myself complaining that I cannot find a decent time to take my walk (I try to do it daily) because it may rain on me. An Oregonian? Thinking that a walk without rain is something to complain about? Brat!!!!
We are going out to see the movie "What the *bleep* do we know?" tonight. It was filmed here in Portland, with Marlee Matlin as the star. But we watched the trailer on-line, and our friend Armin Shimerman is in it!!!! We are even more excited to see it, now. It is a movie about physics, the world, and what we think we know about ourselves and the universe. It is somewhat spiritual and scientific, all at the same time. Can't wait... Expect a review tomorrow.

I am trying to get my act together to do a 'Miranda' website, wherein I will write her story, make up journal entries for her and other characters, put in a writer's log, etc. This is a whole new way to go for me, as well as for any writer (I think).

All for now...I am exploring the world of Cascading Style Sheets for the afternoon.

will the week never end?

So, this day has been only one more stressful day in the week from hell.

Monday was the Portland Public Schools Board Meeting, wherein the Valedictorians were all presented. Bonnie being one of the 17 Valedictorians from Wilson (14 girls and 3 boys!!!), we had to show up. Bonnie had volunteered to give a 2-minute speech on her time at Wilson High School and we encouraged her to speak candidly about her frustrations with the school...She started her speech with "I have had some really wonderful teachers at Wilson, who taught me so much." Then, she went on to "But, I have had honors classes where I have learned absolutely nothing. I have had honors classes where I felt my skills actually deteriorate. We need higher standards in place." She also talked about being in the Templeton Scholars Program (that allowed her to take a class each term at Lewis and Clark College) and what a great experience it had been for her, but that she would never have heard about it except that her older brother's friend had been in it. And that the ASE internship program that she had been a part of had also NOT been well-publicized. She said that even though kids were Talented and Gifted or Honors Students, THAT did not mean that they didn't need help in finding out about these wonderful programs that would challenge them above what was available to them in the high school.
Well, her counselor made it clear that night that he was not pleased at what she said. And she felt guilty. We told her that she had no reason to feel guilty and that she had done the right thing.

Tuesday night was the Senior Awards Ceremony. She was crushed that she did not receive any academic awards, though it was clear that she should have probably gotten the one for social studies (she being the ONLY senior taking a 200-level college history class and getting an A in it). While no other seniors were taking history at all. Tears fell.

On Wednesday, the last day of school, her counselor called her into his office and told her that a couple of the other vals had complained about Bonnie's speech, though there was nothing specific that they had to object to. And that, though he respected her second amendment rights to free speech, it was the wrong time and the wrong place. More tears.

So, I called him and told him that it was exactly the right time and place. That the school board meeting was not a kiss-butt, "Wilson is the greatest high school of all time" kind of thing. And that Karla Wentzel (former school board president who has known Bonnie for years) said "Good for Bonnie" and that THAT is just the type of thing the school board needs to hear from kids whose opinions they respect (i.e. valedictorians). I gave him about 25 minutes of my take on things.

Today, I grappled with the powers that be at the University of Chicago. Since our son, Adam, has been waiting on a transfer-admission decision for 2 months and no one has given us a straight answer nor have they lived up to the different things they have promised us...okay, taking a breath...I found out who the Director of Admissions' boss was, called his office, and explained the frustrating situation. Well, we finally got a call and hopefully we will have a decision by tomorrow. If not, Adam will go to University of St. Andrew's in Scotland next year (which is not such a bad option).

Anyway, it has been the Stress-Express for me and I am ready to get off!!!

the meaning of it all

So, I guess you are wondering why I chose the banner headline "violetismycolor". It just came to me one day. I was asked (as computers always seem to demand) for yet ANOTHER username. I have all sorts of 'stock' ones that I use (mostly because with my aging memory, I can't seem to keep them all straight), and I just didn't WANT to use the same one or two that are my common ones. I sort of looked around my desk, searching for some meaningful clue to who I was (couldn't find anything inspiring). I finally looked down at myself and noted with satisfaction that I was wearing my favorite little silk sweater, then automatically typed in 'violetismycolor'. You see, the sweater is this lovely violet (which I look pretty damn good in) and I have been buying all sorts of things in that same color. I also notice (now) that my favorite room in the house is painted in a color called 'Violet Veil'. Wandering around my garden, I have been struck by how many things that are currently in bloom are strikingly lovely violet colors. You've heard of synchronicity, right? When you notice a pattern repeating itself. Well, I believe that it MEANS something and it makes me sit up and pay attention and try to figure it out... Cosmic.

I spent a good deal of time searching the web for sites that mentioned the word 'violet'. Since it reverberates so much with me, it must be pretty special, right? Here is a sampling of what I came up with.

A highly spiritual energy which aids meditation, intuition and psychic activities, vision, imagination, intuitiveness, healing, and enchantment.

It is at the ultraviolet end of the spectrum. It stands for luxury, wealth, sophistication, passion, romance, transformation, wisdom, as well as connection with your spiritual essence, reconciliation with emotions, self realization.

A color of spirituality and the Divine.

Violet, the color of luxury, indicates sensuality, passion and depth of feeling. If you like violet, you tend to be unique, highly sensitive and observant. Creative and artistically talented, you tend to have a complex personality.

Mystery explained...

I tried again this morning to write my 'Morning Pages'. What did I come up with? Some brilliant self-analysis? Some lovely crisp writing about the ever present Miranda Ducci (see previous entry on novel that has been brewing for the past 7 or 8 years)? No. Instead, it was a rant about all the things I have to do for my family. How I am totally stressed out trying to run their lives as well as mine. Why do I have to run their lives? Because I am 'The Mom'. I schedule their appointments. Remind them when things need to be done, whether it is to do their chores, call the damned admissions office at U of Chicago that lost their applications, or get down to finally looking for a summer job. I finally made a list of all the things I needed to do to get the family, house, and garden into proper order.

Wow.

and the days just go on and on

Today, while trying to organize my life (you know: paying bills, cleaning out drawers, filing things), I came across something I had written about a year ago. Reading it, I wondered, "who IS this person?" I couldn't remember writing it. I couldn't remember feeling that way. I was trying to do an exercise called "Morning Pages". This was something I had read about in a book that said that this is the way to loosen up and get writing (oh, yeah...forgot to tell you, I am an aspiring writer). The idea is that you just ramble on for 3 pages or so, and don't even think about what you are putting down. Just do it, in other words. Don't sensor yourself because this is something no on will ever see. It will just set you free to do the REAL work.

Great idea. I think I lasted all of 2 days.

Anyway, so I found this piece of rambling writing. I talked about cutting the hell out of my finger. (Image:using a cheese slicer on a piece of lovely Gouda and I missed.) I have a massive scar on my little finger, left hand. And the finger doesn't want to stretch out to it's full length without a little bit of a tugging feeling. So, now I know exactly when THAT happened. It's documented. Okay.

At the same time, I had apparently had a tooth extracted that had developed into something mythological in scope. Enough said.

So, I had rambled on about the physical pain in my life. I then went on to the "other" things that had gone rotten in my life. I was working on a website for a client who was a total control freak. I had been avoiding getting the work done, apparently out of fear that said client would prove that I was totally incapable of pleasing him. (Note: if he can't actually SEE what I do, he can't tell me it is horrid.) I was sure that I would be a total and absolute failure.

I wrote about being stuck when working on my novel. (Note: am still stuck)

I complained that I often have trouble completing things in my life...in ALL aspects of my life. (See above, where I wrote about doing the morning pages for only 2 days...)

And here I am, with my novel (still) in progress, and getting nowhere fast. My client did say he liked the website, but then his control-freak personality wouldn't let me do the checking needed to make sure that everything was all right. So, he put the project on hold (paid me 3/4 of my fee, however) and has still not moved forward on it.

I keep thinking that I am so self-secure and I keep telling my kids that they should be self-confident. They certainly think I am. And yet, when I read this year-old writing, I realize that I am sometimes just as lost as they are...just as human.

Imagine that.