Yes, I am finally back from the yawning well of laziness that has swallowed me in the past week. I think, "I should write in my blog" ... and then follow with thinking, "Do I have anything interesting to say?" ... and then I quit. How is that for self-doubt? Of course I have something to say. It just may NOT be interesting.
My biggest challenge in life right now is trying to answer the ultimate questions: Why am I here? What is my purpose?
I find that I am moving inward, spiritually. This is odd since I have been rejecting formal religion since I was about 7. How can I know that I was rejecting at 7? I very clearly recall that in 2nd grade (I was 7), my teacher (Catholic school) told us that only Catholics go to heaven. I remember thinking, 'no, I don't believe that a loving God would put everyone other than Catholics in hell.' I remember thinking that any good person would go to heaven. I didn't believe what the nun was teaching me. Period. No angst. Just, that's it. That's what I believe. Of course, I didn't say any of this to my parents or siblings. It actually didn't seem important at the time.
Since then, I have changed religions (to Presbyterian) but I find myself more and more drawn to Buddhist thought. I have believed in reincarnation since I was about 13 or so. I believe in the inter-connectedness of all beings. I believe in cause and effect, karma. I do alot of reading about different spiritual philosophies and find myself connecting to the central themes that seem to run through all of them. Do to others as you would have them do undo you. Do no harm. Care for each other. Do not judge others, that is not your right or responsibility.
I have been exploring meditation and yoga. I find ideas floating through my mind at random times, that I feel compelled to write down. Here is the latest:
When you are part of an organization or colllection of people (a church, a collection of friends, a family, a country, etc), you gain the highest benefit of being part of that group. You also share in the responsibility for the wrongs done by that group. Example: The Catholic Diocese here in Portland just declared bankruptcy. By ignoring the sexual crimes of the clergy or by simply idolizing the members of the clergy (assuming that these human beings could not be capable of wrongdoing), all the members of that church are sharing in the (negative) reward of that activity. The Church here has to pay restitution, or in the case of the bankruptcy may lose the property that the parish churches are built on. Hence, all the members of that Church must share in the punishment for those negative actions.
Thus, as a member of a group, one is obligated to do their utmost to make the institution work to its highest calling. You share in the karma created by the organization/group that you belong to. This collective karma is yours regardless of your personal actions.
I feel that our country is being impacted by the decisions of our leaders (the ones we are responsible for electing), and our state of terror is being increased due to our decision to go to war in Iraq.
Okay, soapbox closed.
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