Since my life has been totally boring lately, I thought I would post the "Best of Bonnie". My daughter is an absolutely awesome writer...very funny and thoughtful. Here are some excerpts:
1) I managed to almost set my bed on fire last night. Because, really, that's all the people in my dorm need--the fire alarm going off at 11pm during Finals Week because some girl's bed is on fire. I like play format, so I will describe the situation that way:
Me: *studying*
Part of lamp that is always periously close to bed: *lurking*
Comforter: *innocently going about its business of being sat on by me*
Me: *still studying*
Comforter: *now partly within cone of lamphead*
Lamp: Heh
Comforter: Hot! Hot!
Me: *oblivious*
Lamp: Burn, baby, burn!
Me: Hmm..smells a little smoky. Someone must have had trouble with popcorn in the microwave again...
Comforter: Help! Being burned here!
Lamp: Long have I awaited this moment!
Me: Still smells smoky...odd...
Comforter: I'm surrounded by idiots
Me: OMG MY COMFORTER IS IN MY LAMP!!!eleventyhundred!!! I ALMOST SUCCUMBED TO FIERY DOOM!!
Lamp: Damn
My comforter was actually smoking a little by the time I pulled it out. Brilliant, simply brilliant.
2) I believe in interactive studying. I talk out loud. I summarize information with plenty of salty language to keep it interesting. I make sarcastic comments. It is all fine and dandy when I'm in my own room. However, unfortunately my studying habits do NOT work when I am sitting in the dining hall eating breakfast and looking over my notes one last time before the final. This morning I managed to get out an entire half sentence of interaction with my worksheet before I realized that I was speaking out loud. This led to me looking around wildly to see if anyone had noticed and then promptly sliding down into my chair in humiliation.
3) *(she was asked to videotape a hockey game)* Enthralled as I was in the game (/sarcasm) I often zoned out and forgot I was filming. Kind of like when I had my learner's permit and forgot I was driving. My mother was very not amused about that. The ditch I almost drove into was not very amused either.
4) The cover story of Newsweek this week is entitled “Sex & the Single Boomer: The New World of Midlife Romance.” This is ridiculous. As we all know, middle-aged people do not have sex. And nothing, not even logic, will persuade me to the contrary (and please, no comment on this topic).
5) For those of you who don't go to Colgate, you may not know about the Icicles of Death. These are the icicles that form every winter off the roof of every building, grow to be taller than me, and if they decide they don't like you, then you be dead. They also have a tendency to come thundering down when it heats up just enough for the ice to start melting.
As I was leaving the Cooley library, there was a sign on the door to the outside that read Stop. Wait. Listen. right above the one warning about icicles. However, this sign is pointless, for EVEN DOING THIS WILL NOT PREVENT YOUR QUICK & STABBITY DEMISE!1!11!. Icicles are awfully tricksy and if they want to get you, they will. Unless I am there to prevent it, of course.
6) I AM DOOMED TO LIVE ON THE STREET AND DESIGN HORRENDOUS SKATING COSTUMES FOR ICE PRINCESSES LIKE SASHA COHEN WHO WAS OBVIOUSLY DRESSED FOR HER SHORT PROGRAM BY A BLIND HOBO!!!!!!!
Now, who couldn't love someone who can describe her life with so much humor, wit, and verve...
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