what the spirit does...

This week has been such a mournful one for me.  Again, I have observed the pain that death inflicts on all of us on this Earth.  I saw this wonderful family deal with the suffering of losing a child.  I saw their bravery, their ability to say "It is what it is, and now we go on."  And I think that they will do that.  Go on.  The father, the mother, the two teen-aged daughters all rest their pain on each other and know that they will have each other (and many others) to rely on when they think they will no longer be able to bear it.  They all have an incredible faith, in God, in an afterlife. 

I have seen this before, when my nephew died a few years ago.  I marveled, then, at my sister, her husband, and her daughter, at their generosity of spirit, at their ability to accept the gifts of togetherness and love that everyone brought to them from their community and their family and their friends.  They bore it all with such grace.  They were an inspiration to me, just as this other family is. 

Of course, I have seen how the death of a child has destroyed families, too.  We had a French exchange student, years ago, who died shortly after her time with us.  Her parents fell apart in their grief, unable to cope with the pain of losing their daughter.  Their family is a empty shell of the rich thing that it had been before. 

And last year, we went to the funeral of a child who drowned at age one year and felt that mother's pain, as she lay on the floor, weeping, while the tiny casket of her child rolled down the aisle.  She is still struggling, unable to accept the horrible thing that has happened to her, and I wonder if she will let her life become an empty shell, too.  Too soon to tell, I suppose, but the direction it is taking is not good. 

I see all this, and I wonder which tack I would take.  I like to believe that I would be the strong one, who would be able to see all the other wonderful things that God has given me and seek consolation in that, but I wonder... You never know till it happens to you and I pray that it never, ever does.  I don't want my life challenged in that way.  I am afraid I would fail, and that depresses me. 

I guess I will just keep praying for all of these families, and hope that no more tragedy comes their way, or comes mine.

Comments

[Tonya]

I'm with Margaret -- I would view the loss of my son (my only child) as the absolute worst thing that could ever befall me. I can imagine wanting desperately to "go to be with him." I don't even aspire to grace -- I just DO NOT WANT IT TO EVER HAPPEN. Let me go first.

[faith]

I can't imagine anything worse and admire those who learn to live with this in anyway at all so much.

[Loretta]

You have witnessed much of this particular grief and I am sorry for that. A few years ago, my sister's good friend lost her 18 year old son. He was coming home late from work and fell asleep on the highway. They couldn't find him for several days until a fireman sitting on top of a passing fire truck saw a glimpse of his car in a ravine. The coroner said he must have simply fallen asleep and the car ran off the highway and crashed at once. His parents were remarkable at the funeral, but then began to fall apart. The father already had some issues and now they are out of touch with everyone they knew, and my sister lost all their friendships. So very, very sad.

[Arlene]

Ditto to Margaret's post. I think losing my son would rip me up into so many shred that I couldn't put myself back together again. But as they say, time is your best friend and worst enemy, depending on the situation. I would like to think that at some point, I would come out on the other side a whole person again. And I remember you posting about the little child who drowned - I cried when I read it.

[Barbara W. Klaser]

I just don't think we can predict how we'll handle a loss. I believe faith in an afterlife helps. I've lost several people and each time is so different. Losing one cat I was close to also hit me very hard, as hard as some losses of human family.

[andrea]

Took a quick browse down your blog and the whole idea of losing my own 11 year old son (named Adam!) gave me real pause. Thanks for the thoughts/reminders to be thankful.

[tinker]

I've always thought that a parent losing a child is probably the worst thing that could happen...I would hope I could handle such a burden with grace, but I don't really know and I hope more that I never have to find this out - nor you! I wish no one had to suffer such a tragedy. But then perhaps if there were guarantees our children would outlive us, then maybe we'd take them for granted and wouldn't appreciate what a gift they are in our lives.

[Margaret]

I would not be strong. I would be insane with grief and bitter. I would hope that I would work my way out of it; I have dealt with tragedy before, and made positives from it. However, one of my children would be different. I don't see how I could ever completely recover.

[Paige Keiser]

Oh this is so terrible. I'm sorry to hear it. :0(